Updated: Aug 20, 2019
We often only address the things we are good at on the Internet and our world is filled with Instagram and Facebook posts that seemingly create this picture of a world where everyone else is winning but you. I think before I proceed in this blogging relationship with any further, you need to understand a few things about me. I am not always the mature, Christian, jet-setter that you see in my photos. Like many of you, I have failed. I have started in one direction, failed, started in another direction, and then failed again.
Being prophetic hasn't excused me from this and has actually made it worse at times because I think I know what God wants.I have been fearful, held back, religious, just stupid, at times. So, yes, moving to France short-term was a huge risk because even though I have confidence in my ability to hear God. Like many of you, I don't have a spotless track record of always getting it right. If that were the case, I wouldn't have been shaking when I boarded the plane in 2016. Why? Well, If I were wrong, it would be a huge, Stranded In A Foreign Country Kind Of Wrong. To be followed up by the time-honored "You Fool For Leaving Your Job And Home Reception Back in the U.S."
Failing has also happened in many ways since I have been traveling short-term to France. I have tried twice to get my visa and failed. Someone said to a friend of mine "You know I have a hard time believing God called her to France if she didn't get her visa." I have tried to raise money once before for France and had minimal success but then ended up working as a teacher for income. (Thanks Jesus!) Not to mention, early on starting BARN, I was betrayed by someone whom I invited onto my team. Thankfully God protected BARN from a majorly divisive person and the issues that could have resulted. This happened because I didn't listen to my discernment desiring to be nice to everyone. Additionally, I have had this crazy learning curve of trying to lead a ministry in a country where, I am not yet fluent in the language and the culture is different than mine, which causes crazy misunderstandings.
My confidence has been misinterpreted as pride, my helpfulness viewed with suspicion, and people assuming I have some ulterior motive only to fail at communicating my true intentions when it counted most. Yep, I failed...I don't know how not to fear being disappointment when life feels like I am diving into a large swimming pool with no water. I know it's empty but I am praying that before I reach the bottom water will appear. The fear is that people are right when they tell me I will probably break my neck. You are going against logic, comfort, and security for a dream and you have already failed more than once at accomplishing. LaTasha what makes you or your ministry different from all the other people, ministries, or movements that have come for a season, been fueled by excitement and then gone? Why am I sacrificing a promising career, my family relationships, and so many other things to maybe spend one year in France if I am funded? "
Even more the questions from others: Who cares about the prophetic when people are starving or homeless?" Why are you focusing so much on the "gifts"? Are you a cult? (My favorite so far!) What about the Gospel? Don't people need this or that? Are you really the one that should be mentoring people? Do you really understand authority? So if I can sum up how I feel sometimes it's this way: You don't deserve these blessings and you’re filled with pride. You can't even tell when people are good or bad and no one is going to support you. So go back to your cave! It was nice and safe in there and at least when you failed, no one knew about it.
You can step out but your failure is going to be Epic!